Do thinks actually last?

Do thinks actually last?

She asked me this question way back in January 2024. At that time, I thought something was blossoming, something new, something afresh. After what I had been through, I thought maybe I was given a second chance.

Or maybe I thought wrong, or the chance came to early, or maybe it was not meant to be?

I always felt something was changing in May, or towards the end of May. Something was just well, different, subtly, but surely. The conversations ends early, the good night wishes slowly disappear. Now sometimes even the mornings are forgotten. Slowly we are sucked back into the reality of life, slowly going through the motions.

If this was like any other relationship, then yes, one could say this is a natural progression of things; there are bound to be ups and downs. However, it is not in this case, it is more complicated than that, it is a borderline between a situationship and two best friends just accompanying each other.

I wish I was more involved in her life.

I wish I could join her outings, meet her friends.

I wish I was asked to be the plus one at the recent wedding.

I wish that time with her will pass more slowly

I wish to know what we are truly are

I wish to have a closure to everything

I wish for a lot of things, and yet I know these are my thoughts alone. I am pretty sure she knows, I know it all too well. 

The funny thing about the plus one for the wedding, I quietly and secretly waited until the very last minute, that maybe, just maybe, she would ask "Hey, would you like to come?" or "Would you like to join the after party?"

Sadly, there was no such questions, and my thoughts linger on, or what mays. I ended up going to the Tiger Food Festival alone, because why not? There was nothing for me to look forwards to anyways. And well, when the next day message came as "I don't think I will be able meet you today though", it didn't come as a surprise. In fact I already had agreed to do locum for that day, because well, I was 99% sure I wasn't going to see her.

Here is the kicker. Exactly 1 year ago today, I left her, alone, after an event, and that would have been the end of everything. And till date, I still feel like shit for what has happened. Maybe she has already forgotten, but things like this, somehow, I will never forget. Yet now I wonder, 1 year later on, am I the one being left alone, after all the events that has happened?

So back to the questions, after all that has happened:

Do thinks actually last? Maybe now it is my turn to ask her the same.