I guess it is time to wake up to reality.
Two events. Two times. In the space of a week. Both times I brought nothing but fear, worries, a situation that cannot be explained. Two situations where the other party was emotional, hiding in fear, and of course the fear of being judged again.
It is until that it is almost criminal to be seen together by others, and yes because of the reputation that has been there in previous years.
Where did I do wrong? What did I do wrong? I tried to make her happy, I really try my level best. And yet I feel that she is only comfortable around when it is only the two of us. In an event where there are others, I need to give space, I need to hide, I need to 'disappear.' After all, I cannot be explained, after all, what is us?
Is this it? Is this how it has come down too. "I am happy with you, but I thought I was happy when I was with X also." Word that stung so badly.
In the end, it is my fault. I cause the situation that is at hand. I was supposedly freed and allowed to be happy again, allowed to live my life, given a second chance. I chose to be with her, and if I did get hurt in the process, it is all on me.
Wake up to reality, I guess that is the final message of the day.
