Monday, October 1, 2012

Wanna kill yourself? Think again..

Came across this article as a status post as one of my friend. A very good read. =)

Wanna kill yourself? Imagine this. You come home from school one day. You’ve had yet another horrible day. You’re just ready to give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you've written and rewritten over and over and over. You take out those razor blades, and cut for the very last time. You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time. 

A few hours later, your little brother knocks on your door to come tell you dinners ready. You don’t answer, so he walks in. All he sees is you laying on your bed, so he thinks you’re asleep. He tells your mom this. Your mom goes to your room to wake you up. She notices something is odd. She grabs the paper in your hand and reads it. Sobbing, she tries to wake you up. She’s screaming your name. Your brother, so confused, runs to go tell Dad that “Mommy is crying and sissy won’t wake up.” Your dad runs to your room. He looks at your mom, crying, holding the letter to her chest, sitting next to your lifeless body. It hits him, what’s going on, and he screams. He screams and throws something at the wall. And then, falling to his knees, he starts to cry. Your mom crawls over to him, and they sit there, holding each other, crying. 

The next day at school, there’s an announcement. The principal tells everyone about your suicide. It takes a few seconds for it to sink in, and once it does, everyone goes silent. Everyone blames themselves. Your teachers think they were too hard on you. Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things they’ve said to you. That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he can’t help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are. Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He can’t handle it. He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school. Your friends? They’re sobbing too, wondering how they could never see that anything was wrong, wishing they could have helped you before it was too late. And your best friend? She’s in shock. She can’t believe it. She knew what you were going through, but she never thought it would get that bad… Bad enough for you to end it. She can’t cry, she can’t feel anything. She stands up, walks out of the classroom, and just sinks to the floor. Shaking, screaming, but no tears coming out. 

It’s a few days later, at your funeral. The whole town came. Everyone knew you, that girl with the bright smile and bubbly personality. The one that was always there for them, the shoulder to cry on. Lots of people talk about all the good memories they had with you, there were a lot. Everyone’s crying, your little brother still doesn't know you killed yourself, he’s too young. Your parents just said you died. It hurts him, a lot. You were his big sister, you were supposed to always be there for him. Your best friend, she stays strong through the entire service, but as soon as they start lowering your casket into the ground, she just loses it. She cries and cries and doesn't stop for days. 

It’s two years later. The whole school talks to a counselor/therapist at least once a week. Your teachers all quit their job. Those mean girls have eating disorders now. That boy that used to tease you cuts himself. Your ex boyfriend doesn't know how to love anymore and just sleeps around with girls. Your friends all go into depression. Your best friend? She tried to kill herself. She didn’t succeed like you did, but she tried… your brother? He finally found out the truth about your death. He self harms, he cries at night, he does exactly what you did for years leading up to your suicide. Your parents? Their marriage fell apart. Your dad became a workaholic to distract himself from your death. Your mum got diagnosed with depression and just lays in bed all day. 

People care. You may not think so, but they do. Your choices don’t just effect you. They effect everyone. Don’t end your life, you have so much to live for. Things can’t get better if you give up. I’m here for absolutely anyone that needs to talk, no matter who you are. Even if we’ve NEVER talked before, I’m here for you. Copy and paste this as your status to show people there are people out there that care. Yes, I definitely care. =)

So before you guys decide to go killing yourself, think about it for a second the effects it can have on your family, friends, colleagues, etc. That's the message for today. God bless you all!! =D

Friday, July 27, 2012


Professionalism: The conduct, aims or qualities that characterize or mark a profession or a professional person.

It's really simple actually. If you call yourself a professional, then you have to portray the characteristics that defines your work. It applies to all aspect, from a career person to organizations. Every level, there would be some level of professionalism involved.

Sadly, one university that I know of does not echo the word in their approach with students. Imagine yourself going to a established university to do their foundation program in order to enter a course of your dreams. You slogged for 10 months, competing with 600 others for a place that is so limited and precious. You finally received your results, knowing fully that you have qualified for the course that you wanted. An interview is conducted to determine your worthiness for the said course. The university representatives promise you an answer by a certain dateline. Meanwhile, you have a solid offer from another university but yet you want to go back to the place that started it all. And on the day where this particular university was supposed to tell you made it or not, they call you; saying sorry but they can only give you an answer on another day.

Frustrating isn't it? It hasn't happened for the first time and it certainly won't be the last. The university is not going to suffer, they got plenty of students to choose from. And it is a competitive course, everyone wants to get in. Unfortunately, it places the student in a serious dilemma. For this student, it's probably alright because the said student has a solid offer somewhere else. What about other students, who solely depend on this university for their future education? What will become of them? Foundation studies is usually recognized by the university that conducts them. Can they go anyway else? And with deadline looming over every other university out there, can they get a place if they do not get a favorable response from this university? Or will they be left in a lurch, not knowing what will happen to their future?

So where is the professionalism that is expected for a tertiary education institute? Do they simply do as they want, promising students A while doing B? It's bad enough when it's run by a political organization with so scandals to its name, it's even worst when this is taken out onto the innocent students who just want a better future for themselves and their family. We can only pray for a change in this university and also for the many students that probably undergoing the same dilemma as the above student. I even heard of another being called back for a second interview just to ask him how will he handle the stress of studying that course. Couldn't this be done in the first interview? Or did they conveniently forget to do so? What happen if the student lives on the Borneo islands, can he get a last minute air ticket which is going to cost a fortune and come for the interview?

Professionalism. One that I do not see in that university for a very long time. 

Monday, April 16, 2012

The Truth Hurts

Sometimes the truth can really hurt. However you prepare yourself for it, you just can't take it when it really strikes you. Somehow, somewhere, that's a part of you inside there that might just 'die' or a wound is open and it takes a long time to heal.

Let's take a look at the Kubler-Ross model. It is a theory that was proposed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross on the 5 stages of grief. There are: 
a) Denial
b) Anger 
c) Bargaining
d) Depression
e) Acceptance

Sounds familiar? Now the above is usually applied in a context when a person receives news that he/she is going to die from a terminal illness. Naturally, the person will deny the fact, thinking it's a joke or a dream. When denial can no longer continues, anger kicks in. The person can be angry at himself, at others, at the world, at God. The third stage comes in when the individuals hope he/she can postpone the inevitable, maybe trade something for extra life (figuratively speaking). Depression sets in when the person is faced with the harsh reality that they are really going to die. They begin to isolate themselves from the world, refuse friends and family visits, etc. And the last of all is acceptance. Here person comes to term of his/her death and is prepared to face it. The person accepts that he/she can't do anything any longer and is prepared to embrace death with open arms.

Now u all may be wondering. How did I diverted from the truth to something to do with  grief? If you ask me, I would answer I see a link somehow with our daily lives. In the Kubler-Ross model, the truth is receiving the bad news, the point of no return. Similarly, in our lives when we received a bad news, someone has died, your parents got a divorce, you had bad results or your bf/gf decides to dump you; we basically go back to the same cycle. 

We wouldn't believe it at first, thinking it all as a fairy tail. After that we get angry, most likely at the person or at life, depending on the situation. Bargaining will probably not suit in here but if say your partner decides to end the relationship you'll probably try to ask for an extra chance or to give it another go. If that fails that's where you enter into the depression; isolating yourself, it's you against the world kind of situation. Now here is the scary part, you can either get out of depression and accept the cold hard truth or you simply stay in depression forever which will affect you physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The key point here is knowing how to get out of the depression stage, if not your whole life is going to end up in a mess.

Acceptance. A human physiology. A person's assent to the reality of the situation without making any attempt to change it. Once you have accept the truth, it means two things. You believe that nothing you do can change the reality of the situation, most likely going to blame yourself or something or someone for the mess that you are in OR you have simply decided to move on.

And the same applies for me. When I finally found out the truth about something, I went through the same ordeal as above, except the bargaining part because I knew it was pointless. Yet I had parents and friends to console me and above all God is there to show me His great plan for me. I may have miss out this time, I may not know the real plan installed for me but I am damn sure not going to let it get at me. I'll rise up and move on and wait patiently on the Lord as He install His plans into my life. And yes, this is a continuation of some sorts from my previous post. So yeah, thank you everyone for helping me and  also taking time to read this super long not so epic post. XD

Went through a similar situation? Willing to share out? Leave me a comment or share it in my cbox. Let us help one another and learn from each others experience. =)

P.S. I leave you with a little humour on the 5 steps of grief/denial. =P

Monday, April 2, 2012

Not my will but Yours be done

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." Luke 22:42

This was the very prayer that Jesus prayed on the Mount of Olives before he was arrested that very night. We can see that Jesus was as very human as we all were, probably going through the fear of dying or the intense suffering that he must endure in order to save mankind from the sins they have committed.

Sometimes in life we also go through similar situations, that we find it too much to bear, too difficult to strive forward, too tiring and burdensome. However, we must always be reminded that it is God's will that needs to be done. He brought us into this Earth for one purpose, that is to do His will. And of course to obey His every command and to carry out The Great Commission.

There were at times I wonder, what am I really doing here? Or when things don't go according to my way I'll be asking "Why is this happening to me?" Recently a friend of mine told me something that probably I wish it wasn't true but it is the very opposite of it. And there I was thinking "God, what is your plan for me? I've waited patiently and the answer that I received wasn't one I was hoping for." Yet after thinking through and talking to my parents, it is probably the best decision for now. I still have many more years ahead of me, there would be plenty of opportunities for such things to happen. Maybe God is telling me now is not the time for you to do such things and it probably will be done in the future.

A good friend of mine advise me, "It is not our will, but it is always God's will that needs to be carried out." Not easy, I admit for sometimes God's will is a tall order. Yet by His strength we shall endure every trial that comes in our way. Thus I shall continue what I am doing now, and whatever will He wants me to carry out. God's plans is always good, it won't conform to what we want but it will benefit us in the future. It's something that I'm still learning and still trying to do, even thou I feel disappointed and sad at times but I know all this is for the final race for God.

Glory be to God on high. Amen. =)

Thursday, March 8, 2012

STPM - Second class?

So I've read the news that Form 6 students are going to be evaluated on a term basis, something like what they do in A levels.. A more holistic approach in education according to the ministry..

While I laud the ministry's approach to changing the Form 6 examination format, which after going through it myself is one of the toughest examination systems out there, there's still a lingering question in my mind.. Why then are STPM students subjected to "second-class" rank while applying for major courses in the local universities?
Now when I applied for my university back in 2009, they gave me 8 choices and another option to tick where "If I don't get the course I've applied for, the administration can give me a course deemed worthy for me"; something like that.. Now, say if you want to do pharmacy and they say "Hey, we're sorry but we ran out of places for the pharmacy program, how would like to do a different degree?" won't you get cheese off? Think about it, here you are wanting to do the course you wanted and the "good" people out there are giving you a course for the sake of giving you a course.. You may ask "How come I can't get a place?"

*drum rolls*

That's right people, students who do STPM are rated as "second-class" as far as application goes.. This is because we have another system in place, the local matriculation.. And no matter how many arguments I have heard over the years about how matrics is this and that, it still doesn't change the fact that it's not on par as most major Pre-U exams out there.. Now I may be wrong, for all I know they could have bettered the system now, for the sake of our future I really hope they do but my friends are telling me it's not the case.

1) They don't study as much as STPM students do. When I tried asking my matriculation friends about some problems in Maths T and Chemistry, they told me it is not in their syllabus.. So their exposure has effectively decreased.
2) Their exams according to my friends, are quite straight forward and easy to do.. If you just do your part, 4.00 is guaranteed in your hands.
3) There's even rumours that the exam questions has been leaked out to the students before the finals and with internal assessment, no one knows for sure the quality of the marking.. Mind you that STPM is still being monitored by the Cambridge International Examination Board, so no hanky-panky can occur.

The above are just a few of the many reasons why I still support STPM at any given day. And just ask how many STPM students didn't get the course they wanted, simply because the places are filled with matriculation students.. To make matters worst, the application dateline for STPM students is around March while for matriculation is around May, so if there're new course coming out around April (like it happened during my time), the poor STPM students lose out..

So why double standards? Why when one is internationally recognized by major institutions out there is subjected to second class back home? Changing the format might help in improving the grades and of course change the mentality of "exam-oriented" but the root of the problem will still be there.. STPM candidates will always find themselves at a loss once the UPU results are announced.. They should do what they do in India & US, one common exam to enter the university; it's either you make it or you don't; instead of 3 (yes, there's a STAM if I'm not mistaken) ways to enter the university.

A little fact before I leave you all: There were 62,000 candidates for STPM in 2008 but only 41,000 places offer at the local universities.. If you are adding government matriculation, STAM, Diploma holders and so forth, where will they be enough seats? 

And another one: If STPM is all that tough, and it's probably one of the reasons why it's getting changed to the term-based assessment, why must we wait for all the matriculation students to fill up all the available university places before opening it's doors to STPM students? Heck my friends with 5As can't even get a Pharmacy course.. =.=" 

You be the judge, I'm just one of those people that got tossed around like a salad in 2009.. ;) 

Disclaimer: The above arguments represent my own opinions and are based on the facts I've gathered from people around me. It could have been changed or modified, if so, please let me know. TQ. =)

Saturday, February 25, 2012

A vy late update for year 2011.. =p

Every time I tell myself I'll update this blog of mine, it never happens.. I'm getting lazier and lazier by the day to do anything, to update blog, to study, to eat at times.. Yeah, can't believe it right?? To eat.. Haha.. Seriously, sometimes I don't even go down for breakfast and dinner, just stay in the room only.. XD

Anyhow, the past year (and yes, this is a super late post) has been one with ups and downs.. In a way, I was glad that most of the events that I managed was a success.. My proudest one is the AIMST Hosteller's Nite 2011.. Being the chairman for an event for the first time is really really tough, hectic and whole lot of scary.. You have to deal with so many people, meet so many deadlines and so forth.. The planning, preparation, getting funds, getting the appropriate contacts.. However, all praise and glory to our Lord, for He was good and He ensured everything went well that night.. And of course a BIG BIG THANK YOU to all my committee members who toiled sweat and 'blood' to make it a success..

Christmas Gig last year was also another highlight. .First time in campus, first time with such a large audience.. Praise be to God!! Not forgetting Mega Cultural Night 2, International Medical Quiz, CF Retreat and loads more.. Passing my Year 2 was of course a big relief.. 7 subjects over the span of 3 weeks.. Scary.. Haha.. And lots and lots of other goods stuff which will be too much to be noted down..

Of course it's not a year without sorrows too.. The year I broke up with my gf.. The year where a few of my seniors finally graduated and I really miss them all.. T.T The year where many shit also happened, to myself, my family, my friends, my country.. However in all things I believe God is always ever present in our midst of troubles and sorrows.. And thanks to Him, I have become a stronger and better person.. Still learning everyday thou.. =)

MBBS 3rd Year is a year where I think I'm enjoying the most, and still am.. Haha.. Which is soooo not good.. =p It's fun to see patients and all but no fun when you have to read lecture notes and finish up log books.. And sit for exams.. Stress wei stress.. Haha.. I really hope I learn much more and cure my laziness in the process.. Do keep me in prayer yeah.. =p

Current status: Coughing + running nose but on the road to recovery.. Tons of notes to study, backlogging since last year + log books to complete..

So yeah, till next time.. =D