Why......

Why do I always, cause the other party to worry?

Why do I always ask or say the wrong things, at the wrong time?

Is it who I am? Is it me who always end up hurting or destroying a relationship?

Guilt tripping.. Something that I went through myself, something that was so hard on me as the other party used to guilt trip me so badly.

And sometimes, inadvertently I also do it to someone I care now.

Yes, I care for someone now. I really do. She has helped me so much throughout the months that went by, who stuck by me, who told me things will be alright, who helped me open my eyes and see the truth.

And yet, all I can do is just hurt, give worry, sometimes even guilt trip.

Do I even deserve a second chance, do I even deserve another chance at loving another person?

Or is it just who I am, someone who is destined to always cause a problem, a dent, a ripple in the relationship?

I wish I can answer this question, I wish I am more matured in handling this issue.

I wish only for happiness for the other party, and although I accept that sometimes there will be downs, but I don't want to cause more tears of sorrows than tears of joy.

I have made this person cried twice, badly, in the past. I have been cold, and even abandoned her during an event. Despite all is forgiven, till today, I do not think I can still forgive myself over that. 

And that is what also makes me wonder every night, do I deserve someone like her as my redemption, as someone  I can build my life with again.

I honestly do not know. I hope the answer will be clear, but as for the moment; "I cannot explain us," is probably the most amicable answer that I can get. 

A situationship that might not turn into a relationship in the end. And I have only myself to blame in the end.