Too emotional

Sometimes I wonder, if I get too emotional? If I have gotten so selfish that I forget to think about the feelings and situation of the opposite party.

I just recently attended a course in the Borneo regions, the course was important but there was someone important attending as well; hence that is the main reason why I went.

At that point of time, I thought I could handle things. That I thought, despite the warning, that it wasn't going to be difficult. I mean, how hard can it be right? I guess I was wrong. And I was selfish. I figured if I played my part well enough, it should suffice. There is time right? Even after course, we could hang out and just spend our time together before heading off back home to our respective locations. 

Or so I thought, and when things didn't panned out as it supposed to be, I guess I lost the plot.

I didn't think through of what it could affect the opposite party. And while it was not intentional, as she herself was caught in a unwilling situation, I guess I took it harshly and didn't think of her side or situation as well. And my emotions showed terribly, it was so obvious that the company I was with also noticed the sudden changes in my mood.

I guess, I was selfish. I wanted 24/7 with her, I wanted to do everything together, and when I saw that it was not the case, maybe I just snapped and became emotional. I would gladly tell everyone that she is someone special, that I could proudly show to the world. However I guess it will take time, and more time for me to understand everything that has happened. 

Sometimes I wonder if I have become aa hindrance in her life, has my presence also complicate matters. I guess there is no easy answer, and definitely this will be a long and arduous road. And I definitely should be more understanding of her situation, we after all live in a very conservative nation. It probably won't be easy to share things out, and my unfortunate brain thought of so much stupid scenarios that just didn't help the matter at all

I only hope to mature and be more understanding, and to improve on myself. To be more sensitive, more understanding, and definitely much more patient. Get yourself together JT, and continue to strive forward. And work towards a better future.