The Truth Hurts

Sometimes the truth can really hurt. However you prepare yourself for it, you just can't take it when it really strikes you. Somehow, somewhere, that's a part of you inside there that might just 'die' or a wound is open and it takes a long time to heal.

Let's take a look at the Kubler-Ross model. It is a theory that was proposed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross on the 5 stages of grief. There are: 

a) Denial

b) Anger 

c) Bargaining

d) Depression

e) Acceptance

Sounds familiar? Now the above is usually applied in a context when a person receives news that he/she is going to die from a terminal illness. Naturally, the person will deny the fact, thinking it's a joke or a dream. When denial can no longer continues, anger kicks in. The person can be angry at himself, at others, at the world, at God. The third stage comes in when the individuals hope he/she can postpone the inevitable, maybe trade something for extra life (figuratively speaking). Depression sets in when the person is faced with the harsh reality that they are really going to die. They begin to isolate themselves from the world, refuse friends and family visits, etc. And the last of all is acceptance. Here person comes to term of his/her death and is prepared to face it. The person accepts that he/she can't do anything any longer and is prepared to embrace death with open arms.

Now u all may be wondering. How did I diverted from the truth to something to do with  grief? If you ask me, I would answer I see a link somehow with our daily lives. In the Kubler-Ross model, the truth is receiving the bad news, the point of no return. Similarly, in our lives when we received a bad news, someone has died, your parents got a divorce, you had bad results or your bf/gf decides to dump you; we basically go back to the same cycle. 

We wouldn't believe it at first, thinking it all as a fairy tail. After that we get angry, most likely at the person or at life, depending on the situation. Bargaining will probably not suit in here but if say your partner decides to end the relationship you'll probably try to ask for an extra chance or to give it another go. If that fails that's where you enter into the depression; isolating yourself, it's you against the world kind of situation. Now here is the scary part, you can either get out of depression and accept the cold hard truth or you simply stay in depression forever which will affect you physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The key point here is knowing how to get out of the depression stage, if not your whole life is going to end up in a mess.

Acceptance. A human physiology. A person's assent to the reality of the situation without making any attempt to change it. Once you have accept the truth, it means two things. You believe that nothing you do can change the reality of the situation, most likely going to blame yourself or something or someone for the mess that you are in OR you have simply decided to move on.

And the same applies for me. When I finally found out the truth about something, I went through the same ordeal as above, except the bargaining part because I knew it was pointless. Yet I had parents and friends to console me and above all God is there to show me His great plan for me. I may have miss out this time, I may not know the real plan installed for me but I am damn sure not going to let it get at me. I'll rise up and move on and wait patiently on the Lord as He install His plans into my life. And yes, this is a continuation of some sorts from my previous post. So yeah, thank you everyone for helping me and  also taking time to read this super long not so epic post. XD

Went through a similar situation? Willing to share out? Leave me a comment or share it in my cbox. Let us help one another and learn from each others experience. =)

P.S. I leave you with a little humour on the 5 steps of grief/denial. =P
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBlIoCzzvbg

Not my will but Yours be done

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." Luke 22:42

This was the very prayer that Jesus prayed on the Mount of Olives before he was arrested that very night. We can see that Jesus was as very human as we all were, probably going through the fear of dying or the intense suffering that he must endure in order to save mankind from the sins they have committed.

Sometimes in life we also go through similar situations, that we find it too much to bear, too difficult to strive forward, too tiring and burdensome. However, we must always be reminded that it is God's will that needs to be done. He brought us into this Earth for one purpose, that is to do His will. And of course to obey His every command and to carry out The Great Commission.

There were at times I wonder, what am I really doing here? Or when things don't go according to my way I'll be asking "Why is this happening to me?" Recently a friend of mine told me something that probably I wish it wasn't true but it is the very opposite of it. And there I was thinking "God, what is your plan for me? I've waited patiently and the answer that I received wasn't one I was hoping for." Yet after thinking through and talking to my parents, it is probably the best decision for now. I still have many more years ahead of me, there would be plenty of opportunities for such things to happen. Maybe God is telling me now is not the time for you to do such things and it probably will be done in the future.

A good friend of mine advise me, "It is not our will, but it is always God's will that needs to be carried out." Not easy, I admit for sometimes God's will is a tall order. Yet by His strength we shall endure every trial that comes in our way. Thus I shall continue what I am doing now, and whatever will He wants me to carry out. God's plans is always good, it won't conform to what we want but it will benefit us in the future. It's something that I'm still learning and still trying to do, even thou I feel disappointed and sad at times but I know all this is for the final race for God.

Glory be to God on high. Amen. =)

STPM - Second class?

So I've read the news that Form 6 students are going to be evaluated on a term basis, something like what they do in A levels.. A more holistic approach in education according to the ministry..


While I laud the ministry's approach to changing the Form 6 examination format, which after going through it myself is one of the toughest examination systems out there, there's still a lingering question in my mind.. Why then are STPM students subjected to "second-class" rank while applying for major courses in the local universities?
Now when I applied for my university back in 2009, they gave me 8 choices and another option to tick where "If I don't get the course I've applied for, the administration can give me a course deemed worthy for me"; something like that.. Now, say if you want to do pharmacy and they say "Hey, we're sorry but we ran out of places for the pharmacy program, how would like to do a different degree?" won't you get cheese off? Think about it, here you are wanting to do the course you wanted and the "good" people out there are giving you a course for the sake of giving you a course.. You may ask "How come I can't get a place?"


*drum rolls*


That's right people, students who do STPM are rated as "second-class" as far as application goes.. This is because we have another system in place, the local matriculation.. And no matter how many arguments I have heard over the years about how matrics is this and that, it still doesn't change the fact that it's not on par as most major Pre-U exams out there.. Now I may be wrong, for all I know they could have bettered the system now, for the sake of our future I really hope they do but my friends are telling me it's not the case.


1) They don't study as much as STPM students do. When I tried asking my matriculation friends about some problems in Maths T and Chemistry, they told me it is not in their syllabus.. So their exposure has effectively decreased.
2) Their exams according to my friends, are quite straight forward and easy to do.. If you just do your part, 4.00 is guaranteed in your hands.
3) There's even rumours that the exam questions has been leaked out to the students before the finals and with internal assessment, no one knows for sure the quality of the marking.. Mind you that STPM is still being monitored by the Cambridge International Examination Board, so no hanky-panky can occur.
 
The above are just a few of the many reasons why I still support STPM at any given day. And just ask how many STPM students didn't get the course they wanted, simply because the places are filled with matriculation students.. To make matters worst, the application dateline for STPM students is around March while for matriculation is around May, so if there're new course coming out around April (like it happened during my time), the poor STPM students lose out..


So why double standards? Why when one is internationally recognized by major institutions out there is subjected to second class back home? Changing the format might help in improving the grades and of course change the mentality of "exam-oriented" but the root of the problem will still be there.. STPM candidates will always find themselves at a loss once the UPU results are announced.. They should do what they do in India & US, one common exam to enter the university; it's either you make it or you don't; instead of 3 (yes, there's a STAM if I'm not mistaken) ways to enter the university.


A little fact before I leave you all: There were 62,000 candidates for STPM in 2008 but only 41,000 places offer at the local universities.. If you are adding government matriculation, STAM, Diploma holders and so forth, where will they be enough seats? 


And another one: If STPM is all that tough, and it's probably one of the reasons why it's getting changed to the term-based assessment, why must we wait for all the matriculation students to fill up all the available university places before opening it's doors to STPM students? Heck my friends with 5As can't even get a Pharmacy course.. =.=" 


You be the judge, I'm just one of those people that got tossed around like a salad in 2009.. ;) 


Disclaimer: The above arguments represent my own opinions and are based on the facts I've gathered from people around me. It could have been changed or modified, if so, please let me know. TQ. =)

A vy late update for year 2011.. =p

Every time I tell myself I'll update this blog of mine, it never happens.. I'm getting lazier and lazier by the day to do anything, to update blog, to study, to eat at times.. Yeah, can't believe it right?? To eat.. Haha.. Seriously, sometimes I don't even go down for breakfast and dinner, just stay in the room only.. XD

Anyhow, the past year (and yes, this is a super late post) has been one with ups and downs.. In a way, I was glad that most of the events that I managed was a success.. My proudest one is the AIMST Hosteller's Nite 2011.. Being the chairman for an event for the first time is really really tough, hectic and whole lot of scary.. You have to deal with so many people, meet so many deadlines and so forth.. The planning, preparation, getting funds, getting the appropriate contacts.. However, all praise and glory to our Lord, for He was good and He ensured everything went well that night.. And of course a BIG BIG THANK YOU to all my committee members who toiled sweat and 'blood' to make it a success..

Christmas Gig last year was also another highlight. .First time in campus, first time with such a large audience.. Praise be to God!! Not forgetting Mega Cultural Night 2, International Medical Quiz, CF Retreat and loads more.. Passing my Year 2 was of course a big relief.. 7 subjects over the span of 3 weeks.. Scary.. Haha.. And lots and lots of other goods stuff which will be too much to be noted down..

Of course it's not a year without sorrows too.. The year I broke up with my gf.. The year where a few of my seniors finally graduated and I really miss them all.. T.T The year where many shit also happened, to myself, my family, my friends, my country.. However in all things I believe God is always ever present in our midst of troubles and sorrows.. And thanks to Him, I have become a stronger and better person.. Still learning everyday thou.. =)

MBBS 3rd Year is a year where I think I'm enjoying the most, and still am.. Haha.. Which is soooo not good.. =p It's fun to see patients and all but no fun when you have to read lecture notes and finish up log books.. And sit for exams.. Stress wei stress.. Haha.. I really hope I learn much more and cure my laziness in the process.. Do keep me in prayer yeah.. =p

Current status: Coughing + running nose but on the road to recovery.. Tons of notes to study, backlogging since last year + log books to complete..

So yeah, till next time.. =D

Nov-Dec summary

Wow, I just noticed that I've abandoned my blog for nearly 2 months.. Haha.. Dunno la, kinda lazy to post things up.. Act got lots of things to post up.. I'll summarize some of it now.. =)

In Nov I had a 4 week posting in something called as Community Medicine.. The whole posting was well, a complete waste of time.. The only thing I managed to learn from there is that there are still communities out there who need our help, who are being neglected by the public.. If u could see the condition of the villages around that area, u'll be shocked.. And most of them live like it's nothing.. Apart from that, managed to learn how to form questionnaires and interview people.. Guess that happens when u get some lecturers who keep on giving different opinions and conflicting with one another.. Haiz.. So dysfunctional.. And I was actually looking forward to that posting.. =.="

As of current I'm in the Medicine posting.. Loving it.. Cause u get to see rare cases.. Makes u wonder also sometimes am I in the right course or not.. I admit, there were times where I feel exceptionally down cause I felt pretty dumb, can't answer anything the lecturer post.. However, thanks be to God that He pulled me out from that mess, now I'm looking forward to every hospital posting.. =) Went to two hospitals so far.. Sik is a very nice cozy place, far thou.. 94KM away from AIMST.. Not many patients but good for relaxation.. Haha.. Yan is more like a hospital, closer, about 27KM away.. Also not bad, awesome Nasi Lemak nearby.. =p

Attended Life Camp from 4th - 7th Nov, a life changing camp.. Really open your eyes to well.. Life.. And what can u do about it.. If there's a chance I would love to volunteer in the next one.. Can't tell the details thou, I'm under oath.. Haha..

CF is growing.. Praise the Lord for His greatness and glory.. Through Him we are now officially recognized by AIMST management.. =D No more hiding under the covers, we can now really make our campus into our mission field.. And what more to celebrate then to have the Christmas Gig?? Held in campus for the first time since 2007, it was a huge success.. God's presence was just overwhelming that night.. Over 200 came, 17 saved and many more wanting to know the Lord.. Praise God for His goodness, God is good all the time!! =D

Exams was concluded just before I had my holidays.. It was a tough 1 week, 6 papers in 5 days + hospitals in the morning before the papers.. Not enough sleep + lack of preparation + no motivation to study.. Really a recipe for disaster.. Praise be to God, He sustained me throughout the entire exam.. I really surrendered it all to Him, I couldn't do it by my strength.. But through Christ, all things are possible!! =D And I've seen the fruits of my dependence on Him, my Paeds paper came back with a 60.. I was shocked myself, no one but Him alone could have given me such good grades, knowing how ill prepared I was.. Glory be to God on high!!

Christmas was a very quiet affair this year.. Had our celebration at the new church building, fully packed.. So good to see that.. Futsal in the afternoon followed by 2 Christmas parties, one at my aunt's and another at a friend's place on Boxing Day.. Good food, great company, memorable events.. Thank you Lord for sending your Son Jesus Christ on that night to save the world.. If not we would have not known You.. =)

Well, that's practically my update for now.. Will update more later on.. Ciao people.. XD

Planetshakers Live in Malaysia 2011 - Nothing is Impossible!!!

Through YOU,

 I can do ANYTHING,

I can do ALL THINGS,

For it's YOU who gives me STRENGTH,

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE,

Through YOU,

 Blind eyes are OPENED,

Strongholds are BROKEN,

I am LIVING BY FAITH,

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!!!!

Yes, that's the cover for Planetshakers' new studio album, Nothing is Impossible.. And guess what?? They came down to Malaysia yesterday!!! *screams* Planetshakers was performing live at Petaling Jaya Evangelical Free Church Heritage Center yesterday (29th Oct) for 2 sessions, 4pm and 7.30pm..

And how was it? Totally awesome!!!! I went for the 7.30pm concert but was there since 6.30pm, queued up since 6.50pm and got into the hall at about 7.20pm.. LOL!! The only downside was that we can see typical Malaysian (or human) behavior when entering the auditorium.. People pushing around, cutting line, can't line up in a straight line despite pleas from the organizers.. And lying.. LOL!! Christians or not we still sin.. Apart from that small bad incident, everything else went smoothly.. =)

The concert started at 8pm, with a small introduction by the local pastor I think.. Boy was he enthusiastic.. It really got the crowd going which started off with a countdown.. Then I saw Mike Webber took the drums and I knew the full team was here.. Haha.. But what really shocked me was the lead singer.. HENRY SEELEY!!! OMG!!!!! Of all people, I didn't expect him to be here.. It was a real blessing to see him lead the entire worship..  Other team members were there too, I couldn't identify all of them but I think Brian (BJ) Pridham, Mike (Rudy) Nikkerud and Nicole Monteduro were there too.. Haha.. Lots of songs, mostly from their new album was played like Bring It On, Power, Nothing is Impossible, You Are God, Hosanna and more!! I think like 10 songs.. Haha..

Then we had a short message shared by Pastor Matt Fielder.. He is one funny guy, he really know how to incorporate jokes into his messages.. And his love about Malaysia.. Haha.. However his message was so powerful, so touching that it really made me to look into my life seriously for once.. John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life" Everything about the bible, all it's 66 books are summed up in that few words in that one verse.. People always say God is angry but here it is shown God so loved, so loved the world.. That He is willing to give up the one thing He loved, His only Son.. And His promise?? No matter how far we have deviate, how much we went against Him, so as long we believe, we shall not perish.. So powerful that on that night I saw many people being saved and hundreds more renew their commitment to Christ, myself included.. I hope to get the full recording of the message, then I'll post it up here.. =D

After that we ended we 3 songs from the older albums.. The one most recognized is Free.. Imagine wei, Henry Seeley singing Free at his best.. Then after that was All for Love and one more song which I'm not sure what it is.. LOL!! Henry Seeley even took the drums at the last 5 minutes while Mike Webber took over as song leader.. It's superb wei.. 

In conclusion, it was the best thing that has happened to me.. Better than the conference in 05, better than Hillsong's last year.. Simply because the experience is soooo surreal.. I even got the signed copy of Nothing is Impossible, a PS T-shirt and a pic with Pastor Matt himself!! =D To those who missed it, don't be sad.. I'm sure they will come again, this time I really hope the conference come like in 05, it will be really amazing..  

ALL GLORY TO GOD, FOR HIS SPIRIT WORK WONDERS YESTERDAY AT PJEFC!! MANY WERE SAVED, MANY RENEW THEIR COMMITMENT AND THE WHOLE NATION CRIES OUT FOR A REVIVAL OF MALAYSIA!! PRAISE BE TO GOD!! AMEN!!

My Church's New Building!!! =D PTL!!!

God is great.. Despite how many times we have turned away from Him, He is always there for us.. And He will make good of His promises, we just have to be patient.. And on Saturday was the day where I saw God's work in the area of my church, Bountiful Grace Methodist Church (BGMC)..

Saturday night was the first time I entered my church's new building.. I've been hearing from my parents how awesome it is, how splendor and marvelous it looks, how God has been so good to our church.. However, I never really got the chance to see it as I am stuck in Kedah and only come back when there's a long break.. So as I went to visit my church that night, I was really hoping for the best.. What I saw was breathtaking..

Before I go into further detail, allow me to give a bit of history to my church (oh no, boring part..) My church started off as a small outreach point by the main Chinese Methodist Church back in 1977 (wow,  that's long).. Slowly but surely the number of members begin to grow.. As time went by, there was a proposal that my church become a independent church, under the Council of Churches of Malaysia.. After many years of planning and discussion, finally in April 2002 my church was formed, taking the name Bountiful Grace Methodist Church.. My family were one of the original members of this church as it slowly ascend upwards.. =)

Now, the current church building is a corner lot double story terrace house and we share it with a Methodist kindergarten.. So as the number of members grew, we begin to find it hard to accommodate them.. Major renovations were carried out but it was still wasn't enough.. In 2003, the Pastor at that time mooted the idea for us to have a bigger building for worship.. At first we try to acquire a piece of land to build our own church but that proof to be futile.. After that we try to acquire a building and convert it into a church.. The first building that was scouted was a triple story shop house in Seremban 2 in 2006 but many complications came along and the idea was shelved in 2008.. However by God's grace, a second building, the current two and a half story was bought in 2008.. The building was in the construction phase and we had very little issues in acquiring it (except the issue that the building was being sold to a church which was later cleared)

Once the building was acquired, major renovation work went underway in April 2011 and were completed on Malaysia day.. And the end result was this.. =)

A shot from outside

Main entrance

Main Santuary

The Cross, made from tinted glass (which my camera failed to capture) and has a very interesting story behind it.. =)

Basement level 

 First Floor

Now you know why it was breathtaking.. Never I would imagine I would see my church rise up so fast to have it's own building, it's own place of worship.. God really works wonder in our lives, you just have to believe it.. As I walked from top to bottom, I just couldn't stop and admire the work of the Lord.. I was so touched that I shed a tear or two.. God is really amazing.. An idea mooted nearly 8 years ago has finally come true.. And the best thing is more and more people are getting to know Him every week.. The Sunday School is flooded with children of all ages and the worship session is slowly growing larger..

The stage has been set, God has delivered for us.. Now it is our turn to go out and make disciples of his people.. As Jesus said in Matthew 9:37-38, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field;" we need spread  the word of God to the people around the area and lead them to the Way.. 

GOD IS GOOD, ALL THE TIME!!! =D