Hurt

Sometimes I wonder is it my problem, that I can't sustain relationships, even if you can even consider that at the moment.

I still end up hurting the people I love the most, that I treasure the most. I still end up being somewhat deficient, lacking.

And despite trying my best, pouring my heart and soul into one, I still fail to achieve or leave up to a certain expectation.

Or maybe, it wasn't just meant to be. Maybe I was living in a fantasy world. Maybe I do not deserve any second or third chances in this life.

I should just closed myself, hide forever, and be forgotten by this cruel world.

As I lay typing this out in my own house, it is so quiet, that the dark thoughts are easily creeping in. Suddenly jumping down from the 15th floor sounds like a very plausible thing to do.

No one knows. No one knows my insecurity, my fear, my mental state that is so fragile at the moment. And the last person who knows about this, has also been hurt by me and also has begin to shut my off.

Maybe, there is no need someone like me in this world after all.