The Single Life

"So fucking close. Oh, and there's a woman. Yeah. A woman I love and I got close. Nearly got FUCKING EVERYTHING!!!"  

So many things happened after my last post.

It felt like years has passed by, and yet it has been only weeks.

I blew up so badly 2 weeks ago, so badly I said so much hurtful things that I now probably regret.

Yet words are more hurtful than a blade, for they cut deep and leave an unhealing wound that last a very long time.

You know there is a saying, if you haven't properly heal, you will end up hurting those around you. And in some ways I think it is true, for I ended up hurting more people.

Expectations always lead to disappointment. And hence I resolve not to expect anymore. Anything happens, I will take it as a surprise. Of course this means I will be harder to be pleased, or maybe the opposite might happen. Who knows.

And I have learn to finally let go, let the past, the pain, the suffering, the sorrow, let it all go. The one I hope for, has failed me. Or maybe I expected too much, and it was just not meant to be.

No point dwelling of what may or what may be.

No point hoping anymore. 

As Madara Uchiha once said, "Wake up to reality. Nothing ever goes as planned in this accursed world. The longer you live, the more you realize that the only things that truly exist in this reality are merely pain, suffering, and futility."

This is better. A single life. And maybe that is destined for me, to what I am supposed to endure in the very end. This is my punishment, for everything I have done wrong. This is indeed, the end meant for me.